I walked into the poorly lit kitchen with my eyes mostly closed. I’d stayed up all night reading about some philosophy by some philosopher and it was all in vain. I thought this year I could be smart. This year I could know things that smart people know, but the only thing I know is that I am an idiot. Seriously, a full blown dunce, minus the cap and social rejection. I guess I must be pretty smart now.
I poured some sugary cereal into some china bowl mixing it with some brand of dairy-free milk and started to laugh. I thought about what I’d read about all of the things I’d heard in my life and I just laughed. I wondered if I was the only dunce, if everything went over my head, or if everything went over the giant idiotic head of society. If society was the biggest idiot of all, or maybe we were all just animals that started to think we looked good in hats.
I tried to write some essay for some class about some philosophers who wrote some philosophy that I read the night before. I munched on some sugary cereal and I cried. I wasn’t crying because I was sad. It was one of those really confusing overwhelming cries that you cry when you get into a fight with someone that you really loved, someone who usually understands you but refuses to at that moment. I cried because I couldn’t write the essay, I must be so dumb, everyone else can write the essay but I couldn’t. I couldn’t remember a single thing of importance. A single thing. I understood what Plato was saying about Democracy but it was only a rough idea, I couldn’t quote him or anything.
I looked for the quote and then shut off my computer because I wasn’t going to live my life quoting other people, not purposely anyway. I washed some china bowl with some dish soap and walked up some stairs to get ready.
I put on some foundation and thought of the Greeks, I put on some mascara and thought of Buddhists, finally I put on some rouge and thought of the Romantics. I thought so much that my brain turned to mush and I died. I’m not kidding. I felt my soul leave my body and she looked so pretty. She looked at me as the sun turned into the moon but the time hadn’t changed a bit. She looked at the moon and while she was distracted, my body jolted to life and pulled her in. My soul tried to resist, she tried to jump into the moon, but my body wanted her back, and so she pulled her in. We both trudged forward to the washroom, and I thought we looked ugly.
I took a shower and tried not to ruin my makeup. It was a really silly thing to do and yet I did it every morning. I always got too excited and sprayed the warm water all over my face. I washed off most of what I’d created but left bits to melt off of the skyline. I wiped my face with some towel and looked down at it, the visage smiled back in pristine condition but the visage in the mirror looked smudged and strange. The three of us sat together, we talked about the starving children and the holes in the ozone layers that all the polar bears were falling through.
We talked and talked until the whole day had gone by and it was that time, but tomorrow; today. I broke the mirror and cut the towel with the shards because I started to think that I was ready to go to school. I packed my bag. Grabbed some pencils that were once trees, some grapes that were still fruit, and some water bottles that would cellophane wrap the Earth one day.
I put my backpack over my shoulder and felt the entire biosphere resting there like Christians felt the Devil beneath their feet wherever their holy Darwinian limbs would take them. I lit it all on fire and ran away from the neighbors who were doing the same. We’d meet each other at 3 AM in an empty lecture hall, 36 hours too late, like the smartest apes that ever did limp.